M&A

So happy to be home for a few weeks with this girl.  This post is dedicated to a few thoughts on the matter of our friendship.  We became best girls the very night we combined our closets into one.  And the cloth sharing continues even with the miles between us.  Everyday of high school we would share a lunch.  Always written in marker on the brown sack holding our apples soaked in lemon juice was M&A.  Emmy has a bossily confident personality that Aubrey is not afraid to stand up to, making us quite the duo.  Aubrey is the craziness and emotion that the level-headed and logical Em often has to call back down to earth.  When I alone do not have enough courage to shop for size D or paint my finger nails, Emmy holds my hand.  And when Emmy alone does not have enough courage to break the rules or go to that dance party, I hold hers.  We share in a love of Gilmore Girls and Zupas.  Girl dates replace all Christmas and birthday gifts.  Once, I accidentally popped her air mattress.  More than once, we spent the weekend camping out in my bed.  Emmy loves me enough to try running.  We are the cutest candy corns known to man.  Emmy knows more about her older brother than anyone ever should. And I cannot thank her enough for playing both of those roles--little sister and best friend.  Distance can not stop us.  But it sure is nice when I only live down the street.

In case I don't see you tomorrow, I'm going to hug you into a smithereens.     

Loss

I am currently coping with feelings of loss.  Major adjustments, you know, the sort that take those you love right from your comfortable life.  Yes, I am okay.  I will be even more okay just as soon as I reach the acceptance phase of my grieving.  However, currently I am slowly exiting the anger phase and entering denial.  For me denial means avoidance.  And so rather than pretend to be happy I will pretend these changes are not happening.  

And so, this is what it came down to -- Do I fall asleep to Crazy Stupid Love, or Pride and Prejudice?  

I decided my dreams would be happier if I chose Pride and Prejudice.

in lieu of my recent completion of my first semester in college,

i thought i would document some things I have learned:

a new hairdo and some red lipstick can do wonders for confidence.

forgiveness is a daily struggle.

i ought not talk too loud in public.  

kissing causes the face to break out.

knock before entering.

when something is on the mind, big or small, it is impossible not to talk about it.  so it is squeezed into conversation wherever possible, appropriately or not.

my patience is thinnest with those I love most.  those with whom I am closest.  probably because I know they will love me back despite.

words will take on new meaning.

be bold.  people will respect confidence.

life is too short to not wear whatever the hell i feel like.

if you miss your first ever college quiz, it is not the end of the world.

always accept if someone offers you food.  even if it is just a bite off of their half eaten apple.

its not simply the thought that counts.  people cannot see your thoughts.

being on time relieves a lot of stress in the workplace.  

say yes.  say yes to the midnight betos run the night before an exam.  say yes to the two hour campus statue tour.  say yes to that knock on the door after everyone else has gone to bed.  say yes to that spontaneous trip home home.  say yes to skipping class.  say yes to going to that party with wet hair.  say yes because you wont regret it.

to think and to communicate are both good things.  unless they arent. 

sometimes flood is worse than famine.

family can change.  it can grow.  relationships can be improved.  and it can all begin with a little game of catch phrase.

actually listen to that last ditch comment your sister makes just before she hangs up the phone.

listening is a lost art.  simply listening. really listening.  without thinking of what to say next.

change, no matter how good it is or how much it is desired, is still hard.  

home life has a drastic affect.  missing a feeling of peace at home is missing a lot.

a change of scenery is good.  but remember, bad habits follow you.

all dressed up and nowhere to go.  a waste of effort.  but sometimes friday nights must be spent doing nothing.  because you want to.  and what you want has become far more important than the expectations

physical activity can chase away those mean winter blues.

spend extra change on hi chews.

longboarding is much more fun if you sneak out the back door.

a discovered song becomes the only sound i wish to hear.  for over a week.  or sometimes months.

the wind by cat stevens transports me to portland oregon.  to the coast.  to the surprise of pulling out of your car ride nap to a snow covered world.  to laughter.  to food.  to my dear sister, by my side, marveling at the exact same beauties.  to the safe hug of a tall older brother.  to inspiration.

when someone asks how you are, lie.  they dont really want to know the truth.  few people ask that question and actually mean it.

if someone sees me looking grubby, i dont fret.  because i know that around the next corner they will see me looking my best.

some people just get me.  and others just dont.

college, they said.  it will be fun, they said.  and it is.  but i cant always simply rely on the truth others offer.

today i am feeling blessed.  sometimes i lack the ability to take care of myself.  i procrastinate.  i fall short.  and it is in those periods of time when i simply cannot stay on top of everything, or anything at all for that matter, i receive mercies.  someone else picks up my slack.  a roommate does my dishes.  i return home after midnight to a made bed.  a sister makes sense of my nonsensical complaints.  another mother packs me a lunch, every single day.  a classmate signs my name on the role as i sit sleeping by their side.  and for these favors, i feel undeserving.  a taker am i.  but i need the help, and so, i find myself gratefully marveling.