i desperately needed to switch things up, so i took myself on a walk.  as i exited the parking lot of my complex a car full of t swift-blasting girls entered.  their singing was loud, carefree.  quickly a small ache settled into my heart.  paige.  oh how i miss her.  she and i used to go for endless car rides, always with the music too loud.  and on nights when my mood called for procrastination and anywhere other than number twelve she was my company.  if only she were here there would be conversation, laughter, odd voices, charleys, a nap, gossip, and ultimately all of this would turn into some grand adventure.  she and i were absolutely inseparable. everyone knew there was never one without the other.

but tonight i was without her.  so when i walked past the catholic center there was no one there to listen to my next thoughts.  a little less than half a year ago, i snuck into this catholic center with jackson.  unbeknownst to most everyone, we had begun to date again.  but that night he did not feel like my date, rather my best friend.  donned in hoodie with longboard under my arm we made the detour caused by curiosity.  it was dark, so as we explored we whispered and tip toed.  we decided upon the story we would tell if we were caught.  oh how i miss him.  more ache.

oddly enough, i am grateful for that ache.  let me explain.  during my past there were several occasions in which i missed someone.  until one day, i woke up to realize i no longer missed them.  and this was not a bad thing, it simply was.  but i am happy to miss paige and jackson.  even if it causes the occasional heart ache or the occasional nostalgic walk.  because if i am missing them, they are still a part of my present.  and that is exactly where i want to keep them.